advice · anxiety · family · funny · Lifestyle · Parenting

Two days off! 

Yesterday I had a day off work as Man Child was heading to Nottingham for a stag do and I had nobody to watch over my Small Human! However after Friday’s crazy day at work I was grateful for the rest. Rest?… sorry I just snorted as I wrote that because I don’t think rest is in a parents vocabulary. 

I got up with Small Human and sorted out her ridiculous abundance of toys. They were taking over my home. I didn’t actually dispose of any I just rearranged them so they were in better order. I can finally walk around my home without fear of standing on a small plastic toy or being impaled by little wooden objects. I feel toys should come with a warning on them for parents. Like how they say “choking hazard, not suitiable for Small Humans” what they should say is “If you stand on one of these in the dead of night. You will cry. Like a little bitch”…just a thought. 

Man Child left for his night on the town and I spent the majority of the day getting things sorted. I’ve finally managed to catch up on all our holiday washing and before I knew it  the day had gone and it was already half 3. I packed myself and Small Human into the car and sped off to collect my younger sister for a girls night in! Once again my twin couldn’t make it as she was out at the theatre watching a show! Jealous!

The sun was shining but as it was getting late we took Small Human into the garden to run around before dinner and hopefully wear her out for bed. It worked. A mums secret guide to getting your child sleep better. Lots and lots of fresh air and craziness. Just run them ragged until they can’t physically stand anymore! 


We had a brilliant night and it was of course complimented by a children’s dinner. 


After dinner we played with Small Human who was running around laughing her head off. That was until she tripped over her own feet and face planted into a toy on the floor. It went straight into her eyeball! Lots of tears later and many cuddles she was ready to go to bed! I again reiterate my previous ‘warnings’ statement. This time it should read “may cause sudden blindness should your Small Human temporarily forget how to walk and fall onto this toy that was created by the devil”.

We caught up on Britains got talent, decided we wouldn’t bother watching Eurovision to save our ears the agony and spent hours watching stupid videos on YouTube. I did have an embarrassing moment when Jess turned over to Eurovision and said “Cyprus are smashing it”. To which I replied “I don’t even know who Cyprus is. Is that his name because that’s where he’s from?”. I didn’t realise it was actually the country and not a random music act named Cyprus. Pretty embarassing when you consider my stepdad is from there…face palm. 

At midnight we heard my front gate rattle and when I opened the door there was a dog standing there. (Of course it was standing. I mean it wasnt fucking flying now was it! Captain obvious over here.) It had a collar on but as I went out to see if it had a tag it ran away. We strategically placed some ham on the gate so we could listen out if it came back but it never did. I hope it has been reunited with its owners! 

We decided around half 1 in the morning it was probably time to get to bed. Although I struggled to fall asleep so I woke up this morning feeling pretty exhausted. Which wasn’t helped by Small Human wanting a bottle at 7am. Thankfully she went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until. What a miracle! 

My twin popped in for a cuppa and some lunch this afternoon and we put the world to rights as we usually do. It’s perfect getting together and letting off some steam.

It’s my Mothers very special 50th Birthday in 2 weeks time so we’ve been discussing gift ideas! After my twin left, Man Child arrived home feeling a bit sorry for himself. I sent him off for a nap to recover and we went outside to play in the garden. 

Small Human found a snail which led onto conversations about “are they born with their shells?” “Are snails just slugs in disguise?” And “Do slugs bite?”. The answers were Yes, no, yes. Perhaps stupid questions to ask but today I learnt that slugs do infact have teeth and yes they can bite. But they’re so microscopic you wouldn’t even notice. Fascinating. Maybe you don’t care. But do you know what? Now you know a totally interesting yet pointless fact too. You’re welcome. 

I took my younger sister home and Man Child and I have been relaxing on the sofa! A weekend well spent. 

I’ve got physio in the morning and I’ve felt so much better this week along with the dairy free diet so I’m hopeful for another good week and to get on top of these headaches! 

Holly 😘

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