Evening all! 👌🏼
I didn’t write my blog post yesterday as I was extremely busy so this post is going to be a 2 in one. It’s also going to be a long one!
So yesterday I got up nice and early as per usual with Small Human. We headed off to my mums around half 10 for a cuppa and ended up heading to the city for a bit of shopping. Small Human got 3 new pairs of shoes and a new swimming costume for our holiday on Monday and I headed into next to try on some dresses for a super important wedding I’m attending at the end of May.
I was in the changing room whilst my mother and Small Human were outside. I was trying on dresses until I lost my shit and burst out crying. How embarrassing. It’s hard to explain how I feel without it coming across as just being vain. None of the 15+ dresses I tried on looked right. My body has changed so much since I had my baby and it’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. I know I’m not the biggest girl out there by any means but I’m certainly not where I want to be. I feel like over the past 18 months I have completely lost confidence in who I am and the way I look. I don’t want to be one of the models on the TV who is stick thin. But I want to be comfortable in who I am. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost that. I take comments on my appearance so personally even when said as a joke because I know deep down the insecurities that I have. It’s not an easy thing to talk about and it’s not just as simple as looking in the mirror and appreciating what i have. It goes beyond that. I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way and I’m trying to figure out who this ‘new me’ really is. I find comfort in make up to help me apply a mask over my self doubt but even that’s becoming something I often question. This isn’t about trying to impress other people but more how to make myself feel better and more comfortable in my own skin. I’m aware I need to give myself time to adjust to my new lifestyle and my changing body but sometimes it’s hard to digest. I began writing these blog posts in order to show my friends and family what I’m up to in my daily life but it’s become a place I feel I can put my thoughts and feelings. Not everyone can appreciate my posts. Some people think it’s stupid and some people just like my content. I’m not doing this to be famous. I’m not doing this to impress people. I’m doing this for those who genuinely care about my life and my family. As you will have seen in all my previous posts I come across as a happy and confident person. Which I generally am. However this issue I have with myself is one that stems from a bad place I was in a long time ago. That’s not something I feel I need to go into detail about but I have been made to feel worthless and useless both mentally and physically. Those closest to me will know what this situation is about. Perhaps I carry this emotion around with me and that’s the root cause of all of this partial body dismorphia I’m facing l. It’s beyond being a girl who says ‘oh I’m so fat’ when they’re clearly too thin or someone who has a hang up about a part of their body. It’s a poison inside of me I can’t seem to shake. It’s finding fault in every aspect of myself and not just my appearance. I like to think that one day I will be truly happy with who I am but right now I can’t see past the way I look and feel in this moment.
Anyway moving on from all the emotional shit I finally found a dress I like but don’t love. I’ll be making another date with my mum to go try some more things on and hopefully that time round I won’t have a mental breakdown.
We headed back to mums to put Small Human for a nap and sit and chat about life. After she woke up I went on home to find Man Child had cleaned the whole house and it looked BEAUTIFUL! I certainly am a lucky one and I’ve found a true gem! ❤️
My sisters came over for a movie night and dinner. We consumed our Spag Bol and all sat down to watch a movie…that didn’t work. We spent half an hour trying to decide on another film and it was getting later and later. We opted to watch the new ‘task master’ and it did not disappoint! I laughed from the beginning to the end.
My twin left to get an early night before she had work in the morning and my younger sister stayed for a sleep over. We caught up with some Grey’s anatomy which seems to have improved from previous seasons. Before we knew it it was 1am! Time for bed and good job too because Small Human woke up at quarter to bloody 7! Jess slept on the sofa and when Man Child got up she came and got in bed with me. I didn’t even realise this exchange had happened because I almost leant over to give her a spoon and a kiss when I woke up! That was a close call.
I got up with Small Human and let Jess sleep for a bit longer. We played for a bit and sorted out the living room before heading upstairs to wake up Auntie Jessica. I got ready for work and jumped in my car off to physio. Jess kindly looked after Small Human so I could go and be poked with tiny needles. Physio was good along with the acupuncture and I feel like I’m getting back into a better place with the neck pain and headaches. It will be a test next week whilst I’m away to see if I can manage a week without it.
I got back home, cooked up some bacon sandwiches, took jess back to uni and waited for Man Child to arrive home from work!
It was my time to head into work and already after a busy morning I felt completely burnt out! Thankfully we had an Environ Event on today where the rep comes along with a skin scanner and gives you a ton of information on your skin. I had a skin scanner myself and it’s amazing to see the improvement I’ve had since starting the ANP. I’ll 100% be sticking with it and recommending it to all my clients! I didn’t book as many treatments in today and I’m usually fully booked but I had a meeting with the Mii cosmetics rep and did a few treatments this evening. That meant I could be on hand for product advice for my Environ clients. It was a great success!
My favourite part of today were these gorgeous shellac and chrome nails in ‘Iris’ by Magpie beauty.
Chrome is massively in at the moment and we have such a range of colours!
I got caught up at work by almost an extra hour so I was pleased to get home and get some food in me! Man Child and I have just watched another episode of ’13 reasons why’ and it was the best episode yet. Only 4 more to go until the end!
Now here I am hot chocolate in hand and a broken nail. Writing my super long blog.
I’m off to kip. Sorry for the long ass post 😘
Holly
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